Sunday, July 24, 2011


A boy came to me while I was standing in line for food one day. He told me, "Rabbi **, from all the staff, you have the best manners!"

A boy couldn't walk without crutches, and needed help up the stairs. On Tuesday, the fast day, this boy was on the 1st floor, and needed to be carried up three flights, for Shacharis. Another boy helped me lug the boy up to Zal. Starting a fast day shlepping a 200-lb kid up flights of stairs is actually not fun.

At a Seuda, a boy who was sitting across from me suddenly disappeared from his seat. Later, I hear under my left ear, "Your whole body is getting very weak...." I turn, amused, to see that this boy had crawled under the table, and was kneeling beside me.
"Are you trying to hypnotize me?" I suppressed a laugh as he quickly shook his head, and scuttled back under the table, to his seat.

I was carrying a laundry bag, with intentions of laundering. A boy sees me, and knowing I'm a Chosson, jokes, "Yossi, are you practicing?" He was just trying to kid around, but I thought I'd push him a little, and make him realize that harassing a Chosson is definitely fun, but you have to make a joke that actually makes sense.
"Practicing for what? I've been doing my own laundry for the past 11 years."

Monday, July 11, 2011

Chosson Class

I am only posting this because I have a strong anonymity on this site. If Rabbis knew this came from me, I'd be in big trouble.
Here's part of the syllabus I was given, for my Chosson Classes:

1. The Chasuna
     1.1. - Invitations
          1.1.1. - Embossed vs. Gold Foil
          1.1.2. - Cream or Classic White; a look into marriage theory
     1.2. - The Tie
          1.2.1 - Pastels
          1.2.2. - White
          1.2.3. - Black; know the risks
          1.2.4. - The six shades of Silver
     1.3. - Dance Moves
          1.3.1. - The Kapota Swish
          1.3.2. - The Advanced Kapota Swish
          1.3.3. - "Change in altitude changes attitude"; how to stay on top of that moving table
. . .
2. Married Life
     2.1. - Housework
          2.1.1. - Getting out of chores
     2.2. - Laundry
          2.2.1 - Clean/Dirty
          2.2.2. - Dryer sheets and fabric softeners: definitions and uses
. . .
     2.9. - Communication
          2.9.1. - Pretending to listen