Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Dressed to kill

I'll be the first to admit that I used to dress... shloompy. ("Shloompy" here means what you would expect it to mean.)
Now that is all behind me, B"H.
Here are some differences it has made in my life:

  • I get compliments for the way I dress.
  • I do not need to change before I go to a L'chaim.
  • I actually use an iron.
I'll update the list if anything else changes, related to my attire.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Men are babies

I was at Burlington Coat Factory a few weeks ago, and found a ski cap I thought might come in handy (like if there is a blizzard). It did not have a price tag on it, so when I came to the check out counter, the woman needed to call in someone to do a price check.
She picked up her phone, and her voice was heard throughout the store, "Baby Depot to register 4, baby depot to register 4!"
Blushing, I told her I actually took it from the Men's department.
She held up my ski cap, inspecting it with a suspicious look. In doing so, she also allowed everyone behind me in line to judge me as well.
Skeptical, she picked up the phone again and said, "Cancel on Baby Depot. Can I get Men's to register 4?"

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Remember these?

These were cute, so I'll re-post them:
How bochurish are you?
Harder bochur quiz
Continuation of hard bochur quiz

Natural Selection

Can I have all young ladies between the ages of, oh, let's say: 18 and 24, please step forward.
Thank you. 
If you are single, please take one more step forward.
Hmmm. Still a lot to choose from.
Okay, I got it. If you are not a photographer, please take two steps back.

I've decided I'll be better off marrying a photographer. This way our engagement announcement will be an article with a nice picture, like this one, instead of the paltry two liners that commoners generally receive.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010


In Texas, a man at the mikveh saw me walk in, and exclaimed, "Why, I've never seen bochurim with such nice shoes!"


I was finishing my shower, when the following conversation took place (in Hebrew):
"Hey, are you done yet? Coming out?" asked a guy waiting outside.
"Yeah, I'm finishing in a moment," I replied.

When I opened the door, I saw it was a friend of mine.
"Oh. We could have spoken in English, then," he tells me (in English).

Sunday, December 19, 2010


While I'm on the subject of COL...
I was asked to write an editorial for their Shidduch section.
Later today, they'll be doing the photo-shoot for the back of my head.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Parking spot?

In 1414, we pay for our room and board. Parking spots are not included.
I'll be needing one soon, you see.
Now that they are throwing in a car, along with the inflated ego, as prizes for this year's Jewish Star, I have no choice but to enter.
Now I need to choose which song I'll sing, and whether to film my video in black and white.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Too close for comfort

Each one of you, when standing in line at a water fountain, thinks: "Gosh, I'm really the only one who knows how to put my lips incredibly close to the fountain without touching it! It's gross when the people in front of me do it..."

Friday, December 10, 2010

Chanuka in Houston

 Here I am with my shy chavrusa, next to the menorah we erected downtown, at Houston's City Hall.

 Here I am, solo, lighting the menorah.
 We went to Galveston, Texas, where we tried on cowboy hats (sorry, no pictures), and where we met with the Gulf of Mexico.

 Have a good Shabbos!

Monday, December 6, 2010

Robin Hood

On Shabbos, I walked past a neighborhood called Nottingham Forest. This got me thinking of Robin Hood. How warped our education is.
Why in the world did we accept the idea that Robin Hood was a hero?
Steal from the rich, give to the poor. ????? How is that good? Even if the rich man is mean, he deserves to lose his money? Shouldn't it have been something more along the lines of:
Convince the city to help provide vocational training skills for the poor. ????

Friday, December 3, 2010

Rabbi Lazaroff

Rabbi Lazaroff is such a cool guy. He even named his son after a sushi roll!
Go into the nearest pizza store, and you'll see a Rabbi Chaim Roll.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

What's that on your car?

At a red light, two women in a paramedics van asked to speak to us. "Is that thing on top of your car called a menorah, or a fedora?" 
One less mystery in their lives.