Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Phone numbers

Every so often, I'll go through my contacts in my cell phone, to clean house. I'm sure I'm not the only one who quickly saves someone's number under a new name of "B", or "Hu". You think you'll just type in some random letters so you can save it fast, and then go back and put in the whole name. When I go through my list, I try remembering who the heck "Cd" is, and "M". So I just erase those entries.
Then there are those names you come across who are weirdos. You think about erasing those, too. I normally keep them in, not because I'm planning to call them, but for when they call me, I'm glad I have the caller ID to give me a fair warning.
Now here's the worst part. Deleting the name of someone you will never be able to talk to again.
It's hard for me to remove Nosson's name from my phone. It's not wishful thinking; I know we won't speak again before Tchias HaMeisim. And I know it is not causing me trauma from a symbolic standpoint: erasing his name is not erasing his memory.
That's where I'm at right now. I don't know what to do. Erasing the contact entry seems practical, and holding onto it seems unhealthy and useless.
I think for now I'll keep his name and number. This way, if I'm scrolling through my contacts, or searching for another name like Nissi, or Nota, I might suddenly come across his name, and I'll smile- like he always did.