Saturday, February 13, 2010

Harder than it looks

On Shabbos in 770, after a chassan gets an Aliyah for his ufruf, bags of chips and candy are hurled at him from all directions.
I normally shy away from participating. Those bags are awfully light, and it is always embarrassing when you miss by a long shot.
Last week I took a break from my chassan-bag-of-pretzels-throwing hiatus and tossed one up onto the bima. It didn't go as far as I would have hoped. I surmised that instead of throwing it underhand, throwing it overhand next time might project it farther.
Today was the 'next time' that I would have the chance to experiment with the overhand technique. I wound up, and threw it overhand. Waaaay overhand. Too overhand, in fact, for the bag to go anywhere other than hitting the fellow sitting down directly in front of me. Hard. In the head. With a resounding whack.
About twenty fellow worshipers saw what I had done. I sunk low in my seat, and quickly thought about possible escape routes. I asked my friend sitting next to me if he could switch places with me. He refused. At least give me your glasses, I asked him. My victim still had not turned around to look at me. If only he would see me now in disguise, I wouldn't have to duck into alleyways or never sit in his vicinity again. My friend refused to lend me his glasses.
Instead I leaned forward, and apologized from the bottom of my heart. He told me it was fine, just "don't do it again!" That's obvious. I'm bli neder going on a break from throwing bags. A retirement.

I have no witty last line for this post, so there you go.