Sunday, November 8, 2009

The Wayward Spittle

Reader discretion advised. Some material not suitable for anyone without the XY chromosome.

At a point in the Aleinu prayer, we spit. We do this in order to not benefit at all from saliva created from saying how idol worshipers bow to Hevel and Rik (meaning nothingness and emptiness. These are not names of Avoda Zara).
It should be noted, that if you see a bochur knocking off mincha, for example, no matter how fast he skips the words, he would never dare to skip the spit. Therefore, his Aleinu is automatically time-bound to the amount of time it takes to spit.
But back to the point. (What point, Yossi?)
When it gets squishy in 770, for Aleinu you really have to take care to aim your spittle properly so that it lands a milimeter away from the guy's shoe on your left, and then quickly lean back so he doesn't hit you. (At this point, did anyone else think: Hit! you sunk my battleship! ???)
So bochurim over the years develop dead-on aim.

Every so often, though, there comes a time that a bochur might not see the familiar wet spot in front of him, after he spat.
Uh oh!!
This means trouble. Trouble with a capital T!

The bochur then must casually search his body for signs of this wayward spittle, to brush off. He must do in it a natural-looking way, also, to not arouse the suspicions of his neighboring prayer-partners.

The wayward spittle is feared throughout the land by bochurim and balei batim alike.