Thursday, November 26, 2009

Guest Post: Dot

Here are some poems originally recited by Dot, from Animaniacs:

Little Miss Muffet

Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet
And what a big tuffet she had.
So if you're feeling insecure
Just stand next to her
And then you won't feel quite so bad.
Thank you.

The Shoe

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe
And, boy, did it stink in there.
Thank you.

Ode to Jack

Jack be nimble
Jack be quick
Jack jumped over
The candlestick
And burned his butt.
Thank you.

This Little Piggy

This little piggy went to market
This little piggy stayed home
And this little piggy got her own prime-time sitcom
And it really kills me because I'm so much more talented than she is.
Thank you.

Humpty Dumpty

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
Humpty Dumpty retained a lawyer and settled out of court
For a lot of money and ownership of the wall.
Thank you.

Requiem for a Lamb

Mary had a little lamb
With mint jelly.
Thank you.

Jack Sprat

Jack Sprat could eat no fat
So he became macrobiotic and a giant pain in the neck.
Thank you.

Thirty Days

Thirty days hath September
April, June, and November
All the rest have thirty-one
Except for my Uncle Spit who was given thirty to life.
Thank you.

Old King Cole

Old King Cole was a merry old soul
And a merry old soul was he
He called for his pipe
And he called for his bowl
And he called Information for numbers he could've easily looked up in the phone book.
Thank you.

Ode to a Veggie

Beans, beans
The musical fruit
The more you eat
The more they kick you off the air if you finish this poem.
Thank you.

The Teapot

I'm a little teapot
Short and stout
Here is my handle
And here is a note from my shrink
He says I'm getting better!
Last week, I thought I was a toaster oven!!
Ah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah!!!
Thank you.

Roses are Red

Roses are red
Violets are blue
That's what they say
But it just isn't true
Roses are red
And apples are, too
But violets are violet
Violets aren't blue
An orange is orange
But Greeland's not green
A pinky's not pink
So what does it mean?
To call something blue when it's not
We defile it
But, ah, what the heck
It's hard to rhyme violet.