Monday, August 31, 2009

Shlichus vechulu

Last night I started another year of shlichus. That is my number one title, as far as hanhala is concerned. Then I'm learning smicha.
I'm also a dorm counselor, which means I have a job, yay!

...just keeping everyone up to date with my increasingly interestingly awesome life.

Answer to the quiz

The answer was right in front of you, in the previous post.
Why isn't every day of Elul a YomTov?
Because Melech B'Sadeh. True there is a gilui of G-dliness, but we still have to work to get it. It's just available, like the King going out into the field.
The Alter Rebbe explains this in Likkutei Torah.

Mottel got this right, and I'll assume he did his math correctly, so he gets all the points he calculated he should get! And chana gets points for being fourth!

As to my points not being worth much, just wait and watch for my rewards program to start kicking in, and you'll wish you had lots and lots of points. You will be able to get airline miles, and gift cards, and concert tickets, oh it will be great!

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Elul PopQuiz

Alright. I'm going to copy mottel and start giving out points and such for answering questions correctly. You've got to keep track of your own points, though.

Here is the big Question:

If the Yud Gimmel Midos HaRachamim, 13 Attributes of Mercy, are shining during the month of Elul, which they are, then why isn't the whole month a Yom Tov? Rosh HaShana is a yom tov, for example, because it has a Gilui Elokus, so every day of Elul also has such a gilui, every day should be a YomTov??!??

You get 500 points (see how my system is so much better than Mottels? I give out way more points...) if you can tell me who asks this question.

And you get 1,000 points for giving the correct answer.
I'll give 100 points for anything creative that isn't the right answer.

Okay, and 200 points for being the fourth comment.

King in the Field

In the month of Elul, one of the biggest themes that is brought in chassidus is the Mashal (originally from the Alter Rebbe's Ma'amer in L'kutei Torah) of The King in the Field.

Maybe tomorrow (or later today...) I'll talk about the mashal/nimshal, and what it means for us and for Elul.

Right now I just wanted to point out how L'havdil Elef Havdalos, Obama and Congress are going- out to the folks, as well, in Town Hall meetings.

How appropriate in this month.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Old Drafts:Dyslexia

Today, I was minding my own business, when all of a sudden, in the middle of a sentence, I said, "this pan of caint" instead of can of paint.

This was an old draft that I started writing as a post, about half a year ago.
I don't know why I never posted it. I was looking around my dashboard and going through my drafts.
I'm truly sorry for keeping such incredible posts from my audience.

Shabbos + Rain + Crown Heights =

It equals something very very scary.

I have to wiki it, but it could be one of the top 10 things people fear.

My only hint is that it rhymes with: Shmoncho.

Let's just call it- ThatWhichCannotBeNamed

Thursday, August 27, 2009


So I bought a six ounce box of Shibolim, right?
Well, I did. At Kol Tuv.
The whole wheat kind.
And while having lunch and blogging, I was just munching right along.
I looked down, and saw that I practically finished the box!!
Do you know how many servings it says there are?

A Kollel Bochur

Today I learned for few hours in the Kollel with my smicha chavrusa.
I was a little shy, because I was single, and obviously stood out like a sore thumb. This was especially true for when we davened mincha, and I didn't have a gartel.
But then later, some guy (didn't look lubavitch) was going around passing out some sort of papers. He came to us, and asked us if we were married.
I thought he meant- to each other, and was about to give him my "are you crazy" look with my eyes and eyebrows. Then I realized he meant- at all.
So we both answered in the negative.
Maybe I do look the part after all.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009


Less than a week after camp has ended, and still we can't get enough CGI.
Our first (of many, many) staff reunions will be tonight, IY"H.
Really, there is only one such place to get together for a meal.
If you guess correctly, feel free to come by and join the party.
We're not exclusive.
It's just, you may not understand all our jokes.
But you are welcome to partake of our many much free pickles.

I bought a new hat. Mazal Tov.

I finally got a new weekday hat.
I'll be posting it on onlysimchas very soon.
At primo, I was deciding between two hats.
For those of you who A) have never bought a hat, B) bought a hat but forgot what it's like, or C) know exactly what I'm talking about but still want me to continue, allow myself to explain what it takes to buy a hat.
You are really just deciding on the brim. They can mash up the crown, and pinch and bubble and steam and radically change it.
Which makes it annoyingly difficult to decide on a hat. I don't know what looks best on me, and can only guess. It's almost as bad as when you go buy glasses, and really you are only picking out the color of the sticks on the side. The rimless glass in the middle can be shaped to whichever shape I want. Of course, when you have no idea what shape you want, it becomes a lot like hat-shopping, which brings me back to our story.
I chose a brim. Not too big, since I'm not the tallest cat in town, but not too small, for I am no clown.

The guy at Primo looks at the hat I chose, and comments that it is a more Sporty one, and the one I passed was a Dressy hat.
I'm a Sporty type of guy? Don't I want to be classy and dressy?
And what does Sporty even mean for a hat?
Like, this is the hat to wear to a soccer tournament?

I asked the man if there was a compatibility test of some sort that I could take, to determine if I am Sporty or Dressy. For all I know, there could be more labels, like Clowny, Shloompy, Grouchy, or Antiquated. Imagine if my test proved me to be a Grouchy hat kind of guy.

He told me the only test was to walk outside and see what people say.

So anyone who passes me on Kingston while I'm wearing my new weekday hat, please let me know if I look Sporty enough to match my Sporty hat.

Monday, August 24, 2009

The end has approached, I did say goodbye...

Camp ended on Thursday, and I'm back in Crown Heights.
I'm not sure if it was the extended period away, or also being in Lakewood and surrounded by lots and lots of nonLubavitchers, but something just clicked when I drove back into Crown Heights.
I'm glad to be back.
Maybe I'll post more tomorrow about the last week of camp, but now I gotta go to sleep.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Team Blue

I forgot to tell you the results of our camp's color war.
Sorry 'bout that. You must have been losing sleep.

My team won. We were Tzitzis, the Blue Team.
We're not sure, but one of the reasons we may have one, was that the counselors I had chosen to be on my team were the other guys that went to mikveh and shacharis.
So why wouldn't the Head Counselor choose Team Mikveh?

Sunday, August 9, 2009

A smoking gun...

Today we drove around Six Flags Safari, in the morning.
The main rule is that you can't feed the animals.
We kept to that rule, until we saw that every other car was opening its window and feeding the animals.
A giraffe was right in the middle of the road. The minivan to the left of us had their window open. A mother was holding her baby girl in her lap, and was pushing her baby's hand into the giraffe's mouth!! The kid had a little muffin, and the giraffe seemed to love it. (This was a Jewish family, by the way.)
It was crazy to see that this mother was making her baby into giraffe-food! The baby was being licked, and everything!!

Anyway, later today we went to a shooting range. It was my first time. I was pretty nervous.
It's good I brought gum with me, because it made me look really cool, to shoot a Glock 45 while chewing gum.
Very macho.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Put me on ice

We went ice-skating today in camp.

Oooh. I'm sorry. Should I make this into one of those posts? You know what I'm talking about. The problem, though, is that it's 3:30 AM, and I'm not really sure if I want to....

Fine you convinced me:

So there, I was, minding my own business, trying to ice-skate. Now, it's not that I've never gone ice-skating before. I have. It's just that I don't think humans were meant to be placed on ice in tight tight tight shoes that still feel like your ankles could snap, and try as hard as you can to move around to the same place you started from, without falling and making your elbows bleed and palms sting.
Anyway, I was skating, and my ankles were killing, and I was trying to help my campers from falling and slipping, and cutting themselves up on the sharp skates.
Oh, and by the way, why do they have to make the skates so hard to tie up? I had to tie the skates on all my campers, and twice!!
So back to my story. I was skating, holding hands with a camper of mine, helping him out.
Out of nowhere-Phoosh!! (Didn't know that was a sound? Neither did I...) and he fell down.
There were two things that could have happened next. Either I could have continued to slowly glide forward, and slice up my cute kid's little fingers. Or, I could quickly pull out my legs and fall onto my knees.
I chose the first one, knowing that an EMT was nearby anyway.
Luckily, the blade from my skate didn't go all the way through....

Okay, are you really believing this?
Gosh, didn't I just tell you that it's 3:30 in the morning? Well, now it's 3:40. Great.
The real story is that I fell onto my knees. So that was the only fall I had the whole day. Was it technically a fall? Yes. Does it count as 'falling while going ice-skating'? I should think not.

Anyway, I've been saying anyway too many times, if you haven't noticed.
Gut Nacht!


Golus is pretty shver.

(If you are one of the two guys who will get this: at least we have slurpees)

Sunday, August 2, 2009

I'm in Philly

I'm in Philly with my sibs.
Holla' holla!

Shabbos in the Oranges

We spent shabbos in West Orange, at the Klars.
At the table, the Rebbetzin had us all introduce ourselves and give a little bio.
My brother went before me, and said that he was a lifeguard.
When it was my turn, I introduced myself, and said that everyone had already met my twin.
(Insert lots of "oooohs". People love twins.)
"Are you also a lifeguard?" I was asked.
"No, I'm a counselor. I actually work..." I joked.
Everyone laughed.
Later, somebody else at the table introduced herself and said she was a lifeguard.
(Insert smack on forehead and slumping low in my chair.)