On Taanis Esther, I happened to be walking past The Rosh. About a month and a half ago, he quit smoking, and now he smokes this electric-something cigarette, which looks like a cigarette with something similar to a gun silencer attached to the end. In the past month or so, he's been bumming cigarettes off people, even though he officially quit.
So we pass each other, and then he turns to me and says, "Can you get me a cigarette?" which was more of a threat than a question. I turn back to look at him.
I answered that I don't smoke.
"But nobody in mesivta [shluchim] smokes?" he asked.
I told him maybe one of us did, but that guy was leaving then to go to the store, so I couldn't get from him even if he did have one.
"So nu, get from somebody else!" I was clearly wasting the Rosh's time already. But I've got my morals.
"Well, actually, Rabbi Shochat," I started to explain, "not only do I not smoke, but I don't believe in getting cigarettes for other people. Some bochurim will ask me, but I'll always refuse."
He then looked at me with one of his famous looks. I can't explain it, it wouldn't do it justice.
"Are you comparing me to Bochurim?" The Rosh asked.
"I'll take that as a compliment, then!" The Rosh said smiling. He then walked away.
A few days ago, we passed again on the sidewalk. He gave me one of those stares, that is meant to reach my very core and reveal my essence...but it didn't. He asked "So, you still don't smoke?"
I answered, "No, I haven't started yet since then..." I laughed. I then continued, "What about you? Did you stop yet?"
As an answer, he told me to run upstairs and see if this other Shliach had a cigarette for him, and he should bring it to zal. In the end, that shliach only came to seder later, so the Rosh never got a cigarette out of me or because of me, as of yet.
The next time he asks me, I'm going to ask him from a Halachic standpoint if I'm allowed to help someone kill himself, or at least bring about lung cancer.
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