Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Counting....down??

Not only are we in the midst of counting (up) towards the Regiving of the Torah, but it also less than three weeks until the end of Yeshiva.
The end of Yeshiva means- The END.
My last year in a yeshiva, as a bochur.
Next year, shlichus (IY"H).
After that, smicha (IY"H).
We've spent the past six years of our lives in mesivta and zal.
It is all finally cumulating (what's the difference between cumulate and accumulate, by the way?) up to the end package.
I'll be leaving to go on Shlichus, with these past years of Yeshiva stuffed in me. Hopefully some of it actually stayed.
It's always depressing (for every single bochur. Not one is different here) to realize how much you actually accomplished, versus how much time you wasted and what you could have achieved. How much you could have learned. What level you could have been at now.
I don't know at all what my expectations were when I came into Yeshiva, about what I would look like after I left...
So the goal of course is for me to Chap Arain these last few days. Use them out. Nitzul Hazman should be my top priority.
Every single person who visits to farbreng at any yeshiva always says the same thing: I wish I could have learned more when I was there.... Chap Arain now...
Which should be motivational, except if you think about it, it kind of lessens the severity of not using all your time wisely. I mean, if nobody else did, and look where they are....