Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Birthright

I am trying to go to Israel this summer. (No, I've never been there before. Yes, I'm serious. Gosh! Why don't you believe me? Well, just because I've never gone, okay?)
Anyway, I needed to be interviewed by my trip organizers as part of my application.
I had a pretty interesting conversation with the girl that interviewed me.
She would start to ask me a question, and then kind of fluster, and cover her face with her hand and say, "Oh, my gosh, this is so embarrassing for me to ask!" and she would laugh. Now, I thought an embarrassing question to ask might be like some of the ones they ask you when you donate blood, like: Have you ever shared a jail cell with another man? or Have you ever contracted aids?
I laughed when she finally was able to ask me the questions. It was stuff like: Are you religious? Are your parents Jewish? and etc. Those weren't embarrassing for me! Somehow she thought it was.
Then she asked me if I have ever been in Israel. I said no. She asked if I ever visited with my family, and I said no. Then she checked off other questions like if I've ever been on a tour there, since I had already told her I had never gone to Israel. Finally she put her papers down and looked at me like I was from the moon and asked wide-eyed: You've never been to Israel?
I answered her: NOOOOOO!!!!! That's why I want to go! Stop looking at me like that! I know! Everyone asks me that! Don't make me feel like a bigger idiot for not going until now!
The other girl doing interviews went through a different approach about the going to Israel question. She would ask: "Have you ever gone to Israel?"At which you must answer No. Then she asks: "You've never ever gone?" And you answer No. "Never ever never ever?" And she keeps adding "never"s and "ever"s into the question until you finally slap your hand down on the table and shout: Listen lady, I've never gone to Israel!! Then she'll finally understand.
Anyway, back to my interview, she asked me if I was allergic to anything that they should know about. I answered her, "No, I'm not allergic to anything. I can eat peanuts." She started laughing really hard. She told me she works in an Elementary School, so she is petrified of peanuts. What's really funny is that my twin brother went after me, and when she asked him, he gave her the same answer about being able to eat peanuts! (Freaky, huh?)
Then she asked me if I have ever been to a psychologist or psychiatrist. I told her, "No, I don't think so. Unless my mother took me to one, and just told me he was a dentist!" at which she really started laughing hard. She told me I seemed pretty well-rounded, and I probably don't need to see a shrink. (Pshhhh. I'm not mentally ill! Give it up for me!) (And I didn't mean by that last statement that only mentally ill people go visit doctors like that. We all have problems that we could use extra help solving. Please don't label me as a bigot, or whatever....)
So I think I passed my interview.
One step closer to Eretz HaKodesh.