Tuesday, February 19, 2008

We Are All Winners, But Especially Me

Our teachers, coaches, parents, v'chulu, all say how we're all winners.
Over this weekend, I rose one step above that. I won the Lottery!!!!!!!!!!
Here's what went down:
Basically, I bought two scratch off lottery tickets, 1 for 1 dollar, and 1 for 2 dollars.
And the $1 ticket won me $1, and I won $2 from the $2 dollar ticket!!!
I won three dollars!!!!!!
Imagine what kind of thoughts were dancing in my head about wild plans for my newfound fortune!
If we were in the times of yore, in times of our forefathers, I surely would have built a mizbeach and sacrifice a big bull as a thanksgiving offering. Since I couldn't, I just got back into the car, and grinned.
On Sunday I made sure to stop in that same state where I bought the tickets. I would tell you which state, but then everyone would buy from there, and soon the state would see that there is a fault with their lottery and they would change the tickets and nobody would win such huge amounts so easily anymore. You understand.
So I walked into the gas station store, and went up to the girl at the cashier. I didn't see any signs for the lottery, so I asked her if I could redeem my winnings there. She said I could (she had this hilarious southern accent, I almost laughed in her face. But I didn't. That would have been rude.).
I took out my first ticket and said with a straight face: "So on this one I won 1 million dollars".
She totally flipped. She was like, "Oh my gosh!!! Why, we can't give you that here!!!" She was almost hysterical with amazement at my winnings. It was so funny that she actually believed me.
I started to laugh, and told her I was joking.
Anyway, so with my three dollar winnings, I kept one dollar (all those years in elementary school paid off; I knew how to invest and save) and with the other two I bought another two dollar ticket.
And guess what?
I won SIX BIG BUCKS!!!!
That's right. So when I brought it back to the cashier, her manager was also there, and he asked me what I wanted with my six dollars.
"Oh, I want six dollars," I told him, "because I want to stop while I'm ahead."