Wednesday, January 30, 2008

So I Donated Blood, Right?

You read correctly. I donated blood. I'm a DONOR. Isn't that so cool? Me and my buds have been giving for a while now. But this latest time, like two weeks ago, was crazy. Let me explain. It was flipping cold outside, and my veins must have been too deep under the skin. Usually they go for my left arm, but this time it was my right. First mistake. So my doctor lady was poking around with this HUGE needle (second mistake), trying to get my vein, or something. For some reason, my blood was just too stubborn to be sucked out (and I'm proud of it. To just leave my body without anyone trying to convince it to? You go, red blood cells.)
I looked up at my doc, her name was Lorelai, I think, and said, "You know, maybe it's not working, because of my supernatural healing abilities, your needles might not be able to puncture my skin," and I said this all with a straight face. She actually looked shocked and looked down at me with wonder. It took her a second, an actual second!, to realize I was joking. I mean come on, how foolish to actually believe me! Then my friend called out, "Yossi, we weren't supposed to tell anyone!" and everyone just started laughing.
So my right arm apparently held no veins or blood, and she had to try my left. It worked, but the blood flowed very slowly. Later she saw there was some sort of clot or something. They have this twenty minute maximum for donors, and I passed it, still not completing a pint. I was so embarrassed I couldn't perform properly. Usually I'm so good at donating. Anyway, I was nervous because she was going to stop the whole thing, but I wanted to make sure it was enough blood for them to use. I believe it is such an easy way to do something so important to help people literally, survive, and I wanted to make sure I was of some use. She told me they only use full pints for adults, but it would work for how they use blood for babies. So I saved babies that day. Pretty cool.
Now, normally the needle only hurts when it goes in and out, but this time it KILLED for the whole time, which if you don't remember, was TWENTY MINUTES!!! I was so sore, and both my arms were bandaged up.
The whole time I was making small talk with my doctor lady, and her trainee who was watching. I mean, I'm totally allowed to. It's one of the rights of blood donors, to annoy the heck out of the people sticking huge needles in them.
So I started getting to know my nurses, and I asked the trainee what she saw so interesting in poking people with needles and sucking out their blood. She told me that she had never taken blood from volunteers before, only from nonvolunteers.
Now you tell me if that wasn't the easiest lob to the batter, in the whole world? Of course I was gonna take it and run.
So naturally I asked in astonishment, "You mean you would drive around in a white van, stop suddenly, drag a person from the sidewalk into it, and force him unconscious to take his blood?"
Again, it wasn't my fault, she set me up for that joke, I had to take it.
Whatever, all in all, it was my least favorite donating experience. But they so make it up to you by giving a free dinner, which I used at Esther's this time.
You can bet in a month and a half, you'll see me there again. By now all the whitecoats know me.